I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
True strength comes from lack of pants
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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