When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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