i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
