kristin has been a bad kristin
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
