Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
