I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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