Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
