i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
