all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
