Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
