i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
