so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
