Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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