I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
