Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
