On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
