Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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