just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
