I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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