So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
