I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
is it fun? or sober?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
