I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
