I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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