That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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