Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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