Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
