I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
