i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
