Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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