you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
