I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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