I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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