remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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