I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
