Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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