Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
