I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
