Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
