Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
