Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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