I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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