My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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