Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
