My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
