it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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