Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I think I have vodka in my lungs
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
