Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
