I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Everything about him screamed your future.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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