Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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