so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
